


The Scottish Groom

by MagicalStranger13



Category: Strange Magic - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Human AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4389542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalStranger13/pseuds/MagicalStranger13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When some unexpected guests arrive at Bog's stag party, Sunny requests assistance from the girls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scottish Groom

**Author's Note:**

> So, got some Humor/Fluff for you guys! Hope you all enjoy!  
> <3

“Okay, tell me again, _what_ exactly did Sunny say the problem was?”

Dawn took out her phone and scrolled through her boyfriend’s recent text messages.

“He said everything was going fine until about an hour ago when this big group of people showed up.  Apparently, they’re all part of Bog’s extended family and they arrived from Scotland late this afternoon to surprise him at his stag party.”

“So…why are _we_ going to the bar?”  Marianne asked, looking over her shoulder at her younger sister in the back seat. 

“He says: ‘They r a pretty rowdy bunch, 2 of Bog’s cousins picked me up and threw me around like a football when I tried 2 get him 2 leave.  Btw, Bog n’ Theo r pretty wasted.  Need backup ASAP!’” 

“I am gonna _kill_ that little wart!”  Steph growled, tightening her grip on the steering wheel as she violently swerved around an SUV in the center lane. 

Neither Dawn nor Marianne uttered so much as a gasp at the wild motion; they were used to their friend’s insane driving. 

“What’d he do now?”  The brunette asked with a light chuckle.

“This is all _his_ fault!  We knew Bog’s family was planning to come to the wedding.  They’d been scrounging and saving ever since they got the announcements, but it was _supposed_ to be a _surprise_!”

She shrugged and gave Marianne a cringing look.

“So……surprise?”

“That is just the _sweetest_ thing I’ve ever heard!”  Dawn almost cooed.

“Yeah, I…I can’t believe they were all able to come here!”  Her sister said, hiding how touched she truly was.  “All the way from Aberfeldy?  That had to be _insanely_ expensive!”

“Well, Griselda pitched in, and Plum paid for almost half.  Theo and I are supposed to let a few of them crash at our place, the rest are gonna stay with Griselda, any that can’t fit, Plum’s gonna put up in a hotel.”

Marianne swallowed down the bubble of joyous emotion burning in her chest.  She knew how much Bog loved and missed his family in Scotland, but when you live almost 4,000 miles away, get-togethers are an extremely rare occurrence.           

Theo was Bog’s younger and only American cousin.  Although he and Steph had only been dating for two years, they’d grown up together on the same block.  When he was ten, Bog’s parents had finally made the move to the states and the trio had become real good friends despite Bog being four years older.  More often than not, Bog was a sort of ring-leader, with Steph and Theo acting as his little minions. 

“But _still_!”  Said female-minion complained, drawing Marianne from her thoughts, “They weren’t supposed to get here until _tomorrow_!  I told him a hundred times, _not_ to tell them about the stag party!”

“Why?”  Dawn asked.  “I’m sure Bog’s _thrilled_ to have them there!”

Steph gave Dawn a pitying glance through the rear-view mirror. 

“You’ve obviously never met Bog’s family all at once.  I’m not surprised Sunny’s begging for help.  I love them all to death, but trust me, they’re crazy as hell in a group.  I’ll bet you anything that when we get there, the only people left in the bar that _won’t_ be related to Bog, will be your boyfriend, the bartender and maybe two or three wait staff.” 

Marianne and Dawn’s brows both shot up simultaneously.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Steph said, catching their looks of concern, “they’re harmless, just… _intense_ ; when you have to deal with them in a bunch.  They won’t try to get Bog to do anything dangerous or stupid…except maybe get liver disease overnight from all the shots they’ll buy him.”

Her foot pressed down harder on the gas and the car growled with the increased acceleration. 

“Theo’s gonna have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow before I’m done with him.  Besides Sunny, he’s the only one that knew _where_ the party was being held and, besides me and Griselda, he’s the only one that had Brutus’s number!”

“Who’s Brutus?”  Dawn asked.

“He’s Bog’s first cousin.  He’s the main one we planned this whole trip out with.  I’m kind of excited for you guys to meet him though.  He’s taller than Bog!”

“Seriously?”  Marianne asked, finding it hard to believe anyone that wasn’t an NBA all-star was taller than her gangly, 7’4” fiancé. 

“I am completely serious.  He’s 7’9” and he’s a _beast_!  He looks like the Hulk and a sumo wrestler’s baby, but he is the _sweetest_ guy ever!  You’ll both love him!  He and his brother have been looking forward to-FUCKING DAMMIT!  I missed the turn!  Hang on, ladies!” 

* * *

One tire-screeching U-turn later, and the girls were walking into the stag party’s location: The Crooked Tree.  It was a quaint little family-owned bar outside the city-limits and only a mile from the county line.  Whenever they managed to have more than half a tank of gas by the weekend, it was a frequent hangout for Marianne, Bog and their circle of friends.  They had good music, low prices, great service and the clientele were always pleasant. 

The first person they saw _and_ recognized was Theo. 

The poor guy was propped awkwardly against the corner of the bar closest to the door.  His legs were sprawled, but he was thankfully too short to pose as a tripping hazard to anyone.  A half-empty bottle of Budweiser sat in his limp fist.   

When his glazed eyes caught sight of Steph, Marianne winced and immediately focused on navigating her way through the roaring crowd as he drunkenly squawked something about how much he’d missed his ‘squishy-wishy cupcake’.  She felt Dawn grab the back of her Ramones tee to keep up with her.   

Steph had been too right, the place was _packed_.  Over the years, Marianne had been here on the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day, the Superbowl, and even during Spring Break, but she had _never_ seen so many people in this place at one time! 

They were all men of various shapes and sizes.  There were a handful of humongous, beefy-looking guys with booming voices and thick arms.  Their counterparts, who made up the bulk of the mass, were regular sized with random, but quite familiar, physical attributes: some had large noses, others had big ears, and a few of them seemed to share some pretty scrawny looking limbs.  Marianne even spotted a couple that were shorter than Sunny’s 5’3” frame!

Speaking of which, she spotted the little guy over by the antique jukebox.  He looked like he was trying to hide behind it. 

“Sunny!”  Dawn waved, pushing past her sister to reach her dude-in-distress. 

The couple shared a short embrace that was quickly followed by Dawn’s patting at his arms and shoulders to check for injuries.     

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  Sunny sighed, rubbing his forehead in relief that the cavalry had arrived.  “Just…… _overwhelmed_.  I wasn’t expecting this many-!”

“We know, Sunny.”  Marianne cut in, nodding back toward the bar.  “It’s not your fault.  Steph’s doling out the punishment to the guilty party.” 

“Thanks for coming, girls.”  Sunny smiled gratefully.  “I was really freaking out!  It all happened so _fast_!  One minute, it was just me, Bog, and Theo, and then all of the sudden all these guys just came pouring into the place!  They started buying Bog all these drinks, Theo was acting like everything was fine and I didn’t-”

“Sunny, where _is_ Bog?”  Marianne interrupted, slightly concerned about her boyfriend’s alcohol intake for the evening.

“I’m not really sure.  Last time I saw him he was-” 

“Marianne!  Dawn!”

Both sisters turned at the sound of Steph yelling their names, but their eyes didn’t zero in on her and Theo approaching.  Instead their jaws dropped once they beheld the two behemoths trudging along behind them.  

The one on the left, who she assumed was Brutus, was only a few inches taller and stockier, but they were both _giants_!  Like gorillas, large, muscular arms hung down from their massive, wide shoulders.  Marianne was sure one of their hands could probably encompass her entire head.  They each carried a pint of beer and were chortling so hard their matching pot bellies shook like the various Santa Clauses in those animated Christmas specials she and Dawn used to watch as children.

“Hey girls.”  Steph grumbled.    

Despite her deadpan expression, there was a streak of red stretching across Steph’s nose as she stopped in front of them.  Still holding his Budweiser, Theo was wrapped around her side and whispering unintelligible things into her ear.  Perhaps he wasn’t going to be in as much trouble as they’d initially thought.

“This is Brutus, and his younger brother, Gus.”  Steph said, trying to ignore whatever dirty promises Theo was probably making.  “Guys, this is Bog’s fiancé, Marianne, and her little sister Dawn.  I believe you’ve already met Sunny.”   

Sunny blanched and seemed to shrink behind Dawn.  Were these the two that played catch with him? 

Marianne glanced awkwardly at her sister, whose popped eyes still seemed to be processing the size of the pair, and stretched out a hand in greeting.

“Uh, hey.  It’s nice to-”

“We are so _HAPPY_ tah _MEET_ yoo!”

The offered hand was bumped aside and Marianne found herself being swallowed up in a double-bear-hug that lifted her clear up off the floor.  Their booming voices were deep and growly, but saturated with a natural jolliness that was quite endearing.  She’d appreciate the fact more if all the air wasn’t currently being squeezed out of her lungs.   

“Bog’s told us _SO_ much _ABOU’_ yoo!”

“Yer even more beautiful in _PERSON_!”

“We’re so _GLAD_ Bog _FOUND_ yoo!”

“He _NEEDS_ someone tha’ can _KICK_ his _ARSE_!”

“Take _GOOD_ care o’ him!”

“But, more importantly, make sure _HE_ takes good care o’ _YOO_!”

“Jus’ give us a call and we’ll ‘elp ye _BEAT_ some _SENSE_ intah him!”

“ _ANTYTIME_ a’ all!”

“Take it easy ya goons!”  Steph half-scolded, tugging on one of Gus’s elbows.  “Don’t suffocate her!”

“ _OOPS_!”  The brothers exclaimed in unison as they released Marianne and stepped back.  “Sorry!”

“That’s…okay…”  Marianne panted for breath as she ran experimental fingers over her ribs to make sure they weren’t cracked or something.  “Can you…tell me where…Bog…is?” 

“He’s over by the stage.”  Brutus replied, pointing over a sea of heads to his right.

“He’s gettin’ ready tah do some karaoke!”

“ _Karaoke_?!"

Okay, that _definitely_ confirmed her fears.  Bog was _beyond_ shitfaced.  

Speaking of which, the high-pitched whine of a microphone pierced the air, drawing everyone’s attention to the stage and cutting the noise volume in half.

Bog staggered onto the stage holding the wireless mike in his right hand.  As his family clapped for him, his gaze wandered out over the audience as he announced his intentions.

“HEYE’ERBODY!  AH WANNA THANKYE ALL FER CUMMIN’ OU’ HERE!  TAHNIGH’ ISSA _BIG_ NIGH’ FER ME!  ISS MAH LAS’ NIGH’ AS A LOOOOOONELY MAHN!  TAHMARRAH AFTAHRNOON, _AH’MMA_ GONNA BE: MISHTER!  MAHRIANNE!  LIGH’FEILD!”

Everyone, even Dawn, Sunny and Steph, laughed at Bog’s inebriated joke, and Marianne realized too late that Brutus was waving his arm wildly gesturing at her so Bog would notice.

_Oh no._

Her fiancé’s blue eyes locked onto her own and the biggest, goofiest smirk spread across his face.

_Shit!_

“THAR- _THAR_ SHEEEE IS!  THAAAAAA’S MAH _GURL_!  MAH!  GURL!  THA’S MAH-MAH _TUFF_ GURL!  IMMA-IMMA MARRY HAR!  AH’MMA _MARRY_ HAR, AN’-AN’-AN’ WE GONNAE GE’ AH HOUSE, AN’ AH-AH DOG, AAAAAAAN’-OH _BABIES_!  YEAH!  LO’S N’ LO’S AH BABIES!!!”

The bar filled with the irritating sound of cat-calls and wolf-whistles.

Marianne could only stupidly gape at the slurring, swaying man on the stage.

“Wow.”

“Aww!  That’s your groom, Marianne.”  Dawn swooned dramatically.  “Your _groom_.”

“Shut up.”

“THA’-THA’ LADEE, RIGH’ THAR, ISTHAH MOS’ BEAU’IFUL, SSSSSSEXY AN’ CLEVAR WOMAN INNA WHOOOOOOLE WARLD!  AN’ YE KNOW…YE KNOW WHY _ELSE_ AH LUV HAR?  CUZ SHE CAN **_KICK_** MAH ARSE!!!  AH’MMA SINGA SONG FER HAR!  MARIANNE, AH LUV YE SO-SO-SO MUSH!  THISIS FER _YOO_!!!”

Two beats, and then the familiar, short opening electric guitar plucks of “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers poured from the speakers and Bog’s Scottish family practically when ballistic with their enthusiasm.

Marianne felt her mouth fall open as Bog brought the mike up and began to sing:

_When Ah wake up, well, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah'm gonna be thah mahn oo wakes up next tah yoo_

Marianne’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“What the hell?”

_When Ah go out, yeah, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah'm gonna be the mahn oo goes along wi’ yoo_

“He is so obviously sloshed, how can he still be on key?!”

_If Ah ge’ drunk-_

Everyone raised their drinks and screamed, “YEAH!”

_-Well, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah'm gonna be the mahn oo ge’s drunk next tah yoo_

“Don’t know.”  Dawn shrugged, biting her lip to keep from squealing with laughter.  “Must be a Scottish thing!”

_And if Ah haver,_

“That makes no sense!”

_-Hey, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah'm gonna be the mahn oo's haverin’ tah yoo_

Marianne and crew all flinched as the entire bar joined in with Bog on the chorus.

 _**But Ah would walk five hundred miles** _  
_**And Ah would walk five hundred more** _  
_**Jus’ tah be thah mahn oo walked ah thousand miles** _  
_**Tah fall down at yer door** _

Bog was all over the place; stumbling and swinging his arms around, completely lost in the severely plastered performance.  Thank God that microphone was cordless!  He seemed to be shamelessly enjoying himself: he pumped his fist, stomped his feet and bobbed his head; amazingly, all on beat.  
  
_When Ah'm werkin’, yes, Ah knoo Ah'm gonna be_  
_Ah'm gonna be thah mahn ooo's werkin’ hard fer yoo_  
_An’ when thah money comes in fer thah werk Ah doo_  
_Ah'll pass almos’ every penny on tah yoo_

“Ya got that right.”  Marianne mumbled to herself.

 _When Ah come home (_ **When I come home** _)_

 _Oh, Ah know Ah'm gonna be_  
_Ah'm gonna be thah mahn oo comes back home tah yoo_  
_And if Ah grow old, well, Ah know Ah’m gonna be_  
_Ah'm gonna be thah man who's growin’ old wit’ yoo_  
  
_**But Ah would walk five hundred miles**_

“Oh my God!  He’s doing the Duck Walk!” 

**_An’ Ah would walk five hundred more_ **

“He is doing the fucking Duck Walk!”

**_Jus’ tah be thah man oo walked ah thousand miles_ **

“Dawn?!”

“I got it!”  Her sister yelled, already holding her phone up to record this glorious moment.

**_Tah fall down a’ yer door_ **

Marianne barely had time to enjoy the comedy of it all, before several pairs of hands suddenly seized her arms and legs, raising her vehemently protesting self up in the air and passing her over countless heads towards the stage.  Why were all of Bog’s tall cousins built like the Jolly Green Giant?! _  
  
Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)_  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da**

Before she knew it, she was being hauled against Bog’s chest and blinded by the glaring spotlights.  Her fiancé’s free arm wrapped tight around her waist and her nostrils filled with the scent of Corona and the various whiskey and vodka shots he must’ve taken earlier.  

 _Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da**_

When the song came to its brief break, Bog lowered the mike, turned and stuck his dopey grin right in her face; close enough that he actually bumped his nose on her forehead. 

“Heye, Tuff Gurl!  Mm so ‘appy tah seeeeee yoo!”

“Hello, Bog.” Marianne said, leaning back.  “You are _very_ drunk.”

“Whaaaaa?  _Nooooooo_ , dorn’t be daft!  Aye nevar been sore _mober_ in mah life!”

“Uh-huh.  Baby, I think it’s time we-”

“Ssssssshhhhhhh!” 

Bog’s index finger seemed to have a little trouble locating Marianne’s lips on her face: 

…eyeball…nose…cheek…other eyeball…

 _There_ it is!

“Shh-shh-shh, ssssshhhhh shh!  I gotta…*snicker*…I gotta _sssssssing_ now!”  
  
_When Ah'm lonely, well, Ah know Ah'm gonna be_  
_Ah'm gonna be the mahn oo's lonely withou’ choo_

A grimace painted Marianne’s face as Bog planted a quick, but thoroughly sloppy, kiss to her temple. 

_An’ when Ah'm dreamin’, well, Ah know Ah'm gonna dream  
Ah'm gonna dream abou’ thah time when Ah'm wit’ yoo_

With a wink, Bog clumsily twirled Marianne into a chair, she just realized had been placed on the stage before the song began. 

 _When Ah go out (_ **When I go out** _)_

_Well, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah’m gonna be thah mahn oo goes along wit’ yoo_

Marianne quirked an eyebrow at her fiancé as he literally sashayed around the chair, trying to give her a sultry look that came off more as a Jim Carrey impression. 

 _An’ when Ah come home (_ **When I come home** _)_

_Yes, Ah know Ah'm gonna be  
Ah’m gonna be thah mahn oo comes back home wit’ yoo_

Finally, he stopped moving.

_Ah’m gonna be thah mahn oo's comin’ hoooooome wit’ yoo_

Without warning, Bog swung his left leg over Marianne’s lap so that he was now standing over her...leaving his crotch at her eye-level.  He gripped the back of the chair with his free hand for balance……then came the _gyrating_.  
  
**_But Ah would walk five hundred miles_**  
**_An’ Ah would walk five hundred more_**  
**_Jus’ tah be thah mahn oo walked ah thousand miles_**  
**_Tah fall down a’ yer door_**

Marianne blinked rapidly and brought both hands up to shield her head from getting smacked by Bog’s pelvis.  She much preferred his more coordinated lap dances, though she was biting her tongue to keep from giggling at how completely absurd this situation had become.  She could hear Dawn _and_ Sunny practically _dying_ from their matching giggle fit, from clear across the bar.        ** _  
_**_  
Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da**  
Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)_  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da**

Briefly, Bog turned to goad his cousins on as they howled like a pack of goblins.  He conducted them like a true master; like a _king_.   

 _Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da  
** Da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _), da lat da (_ **Da lat da** _)_  
**Da-da-da dun-diddle un-diddle un-diddle uh da-da**

For the grand finale, Bog snatched Marianne’s hand, pulled her to her feet with enough force to knock the flimsy chair over, and began spinning them both around and around, all without taking his hazy eyes off of her.     
  
_**An’ Ah would walk five hundred miles**_  
_**An’ Ah would walk five hundred more**_  
_**Jus’ tah be thah mahn oo walked ah thousand miles**_  
_**Tah fall down a’ yer doo-oo-oor**_

At the song’s conclusion, Bog dropped to his knees before her and wrapped his arms around her legs in a tight hug as the crowd exploded with raucous cheers.  Just as Marianne hugged him back and began to shake her head indulgently, he suddenly stood up to his full height, hoisting her over his shoulder and hopped off the stage.  

“BOG!”  She laughingly shrieked, even though her voice could barely be heard over the excited screams of his cousins.  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  PUT ME DOWN!”

“GOTTA…GOTTA GE’ _STAR’ED_ ON THOSE… _LLLLLLO’S_ AH BABIES!  G’NIGH’ ERRYBODY!!!”

If sound was a hammer, Marianne’s ears would’ve been crushed by the audience practically losing their shit in shouts of encouragement.

“DAWN!”  She cried as Bog passed her cackling sister.  “ _Help_!”

“See ya tomorrow, Marianne!”  Dawn squealed, twiddling her fingers in goodbye.  In her other hand, she had her phone.  It was _still_ recording!  “Remember, the wedding is still at 5pm, but we have to start getting ready at 1pm, so don’t stay up _too_ late 'making those babies'!”

“SUNNY!”

“Here are his keys, Marianne!”  Sunny called, tossing her the jingling ring.  “You should probably drive!”

“ _STEPH_!”

Her stout friend was busy making out with Theo by the pool table.

“I _HATE_ YOU GUYS!”

“Pretty sure you’ll thank us in the morning, sis!”

“I WILL NEVER FORGIVE-!”

Her rage was cut off by an abrupt, but muted stinging sensation on her rear.

 _Bog._ _Just.  Spanked.  My.  Ass._

It was only the unexpectedly delicious aftershocks of the smack spreading down her legs and up her back that kept her from sharply elbowing the back of his head in retaliation.

.

.

.

As Bog kicked the bar door open and stumbled out to his pickup truck in the dark parking lot, she decided she’d kill her sister and friends later.  For now, it would be a better idea to concentrate on getting home and, perhaps…… _explore_ this new-found kink. 

The massive hangover her groom-to-be would feel in the morning would be the perfect payment for acting like such a doofus.

Bog firmly slapped her butt again before setting her down in front of the driver’s side door.  He then proceeded to press a demanding kiss into the curve of her neck.

“Can’nae _wai’_ tah ge’ ye home, Tuff Gurl!  Can’nae wai’ tah _marry_ yoo!  Lofe ye sooooo bludy mush!” 

…Okay, _maybe_ she’d get him some water and ibuprofen once they got to the house……if she didn’t forget once she ripped his clothes off first.       

* * *

**P.S**

Bog and Marianne’s Wedding DVD ended up having a mighty entertaining video added to the bonus material section and every single one of Bog’s cousins bought a copy.        

**Author's Note:**

> Somebody mentioned the idea of Bog singing this song a while ago, but I can't remember who it was. Anyway, hope you all liked it! Leave me kudos and/or a comment! I live to hear from you! That's right, I said LIVE!


End file.
